Doing the devils work.

So something happened, involving you and other people and its like they got more of the blame then you did, although you were all equally responsible. You start to feel guilty, you cry for days feeling so broken inside, you start picking up the pieces but that guilt still hammers in your mind, you're a mess, every time you see that person or people your just reminded of what happened. You ask God for forgiveness, you speak to several people, the only thing on your mind and lips is the situation, days, weeks pass everyone has forgotten about it but yet you haven't. You even mention it and they have no idea what you are talking about.
You are beating yourself up....
You are doing the devils work for him.

This is what happened to me recently, something happened, God destroyed me for the big mistake I made, but I know it was for the best.
I was a mess, the next day I was late for service I was torn apart, and it was understandable for me to still be getting over what had happened, even worse that day I had a lot of things to sort out, lots of things under my responsibility but my head was a mess, my body was there but my mind wasn't, another assistant spoke to me and even forgot what I was upset about!
I prayed and got the strength to carry on as normal...
Days past and it was still on my mind, I felt worthless, like I didn't even deserve to be in the church any more, to wear my uniform I felt like NOTHING, RUBBISH, I kept trying to find comfort in others but truth was this was something I had to go through alone, a test from God to see if I would go through the fire and stay firm, but I didn't think of it this way. I kept crying, feeling so down. 1 week passes and it's still the same, I then realised...wait hold on I am beating myself up about this! The devil is just sitting back laughing at me, watching me destroy my own spiritual life, watching me take myself out the church, out of the presence of God. My eyes opened and I saw I was doing the devils work for him! Beating myself up about what happened was making everything more worse then it was. I was still picking up the pieces, being built up again and moulded by God, but I was slowing down the process, I made what happened seem more serious then it was, it wasn't sin just a mistake, but I made it like it was sin, I felt dirty.
2 weeks later I was fully 'healed' and over what happened, but it will always be something I will never forget, not because I am always thinking about it no, but because it marked a big moment in my life, it marked the day that God showed how much He cared for me, because as it says it in word of God:

"And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.” If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons."

Hebrews 12:5-7

This shows that God still loves me, if I didn't get corrected then I should be worried lol I realised I am truly His daughter because..well the verses explain it all!

I am happy I went through what I did because no doubt I am a better and different person, I have been moulded further into a woman of God and I know great things are coming for me. It also allows me to share with all of you my experience.

So if you go through any situation like this, don't beat yourself up because that's what the devil wants, it just makes his job easier, and by the time you realise it may be too late for you.

Keep your head up and don't be discouraged, although inside is broken, it hurts, keep going because this is what is required for you to be moulded more by God, I don't believe this would have happened if God didn't think I could take it.

Hope this helped you as much as it helped me.

In faith, Jo-Anne.