Selfish! Me???

Yep you guessed it...yesterday (sunday) i recognised i had started to become more selfish....how it hurt me and that was from the Holy Spirit!
I realised a seed was planted..someone was speaking to me about giving my money to the church..saying 'how will you travel' 'how will you eat' 'how will you help mum' 'how will you buy stuff for college' etc etc....i rebuked it and thought i had disregarded these comments (this happened weeks ago)...but always in the back of my mind i was worrying about my money...so many opportunities would come for me to help invest in Gods' house but a thought came saying 'oh no but you need to travel...your travel is expensive..you need to eat...pay your phone bill...get this and that for college...' did i forget to mention before i was even raised, and i was only getting E.M.A i would have NO PROBLEM buying cleaning products, giving offering, providing for Gods house!
So even though i had MORE then enough condition to help...i allowed these thoughts to grow...hence the seed was there yet i didnt realise! everytime money was involved in my mind i would complain...saying i dont have enough God you know i need to do this and that etc...i would stop even giving food, sharing because i was now being TOO careful with my money. Within this period my salary went down, and this made me even more obsessive with taking care of my money, i thought i was being careful, but slowly but surely money was taking first place in my heart(but it wasnt there yet! there was still time for me) and i didnt even know. outside things began to bombard my mind..i need to this and that during seeking! i need to pay this, and that, omdz ill have this much left...ok...and the list goes on.
New year comes...new me and even MORE condition...house of God running out of cleaning products....it was as if God was giving me chance after chance...i was asked to get a mop ( which you can get for £1 £5 max) i said i didnt have money to get it....i started my new purpose bible in a year...and although i saw my spirit growing i was being blocked..i was confused...nothing was the same although my spirit, the fire was growing...i thought i was dying(spiritually) but i could see i wasnt as the urge to seek, to read the bible was growing so what was it?
Sunday the 7th 2012.....a powerful message was shared that would open my eyes!

^"3 Then the word of the LORD came by Haggai the prophet, saying, ⁴ “Is it time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, and this temple^[a]to lie in ruins?” ⁵ Now therefore, thus says the LORD of hosts: “Consider your ways! 
       ⁶ “ You have sown much, and bring in little; 
      You eat, but do not have enough; 
      You drink, but you are not filled with drink; 
      You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm; 
      And he who earns wages, 
      Earns wages to put into a bag with holes.” 

⁷ Thus says the LORD of hosts: “Consider your ways! ⁸ Go up to the mountains and bring wood and build the temple, that I may take pleasure in it and be glorified,” says the LORD.⁹ “You looked for much, but indeed it came to little; and when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why?” says the LORD of hosts. “Because of My house that is in ruins, while every one of you runs to his own house."


This was me!! exactly me! my heart felt shattered, it was so clear to me now....i had become selfish! not just to others but to the house of God i didnt have zeal for it like before...ok i cleaned but i didnt build the temple, i didnt take the temple of Solomon envelope, and not only Gods temple as in Gods house...but His temple, my body, was becoming in ruins because of my selfishness! i dont remember the last time i gave offering!

The seed was revealed.

For me to changed my fleshly selfish ways wont be overnight...nor will it be months (it will be shorter then this) but..like my Pr said...at least i found out before it was too late...i dont know how ill overcome this..but i know God knows! and His Spirit will change me..THANK GOD for destroying me so i can be re built!

And  i thank God for allowing me to go through this to share with all of you!

be careful because there may be a seed planted in YOU that you cannot see..it may be pride, bitterness, resentment, envy, hatred or SELFISHNESS...whatever it is allowed God to speak to you...to open your eyes so you can change.
God bless you all! Good Night!